Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Best State From Which to Chair in a Disagreement

By David Ferrers


The question here is are you inside your body or outside of it - associated inside yourself or dissociated outside of yourself? This could happen when you're talking to somebody or when you're at an event, in a meeting or even when you're giving a presentation.

You may have had the experience of trying to untangle the emotional charge of two team members who have got into a difference of opinion when using e-mail to communicate. When both protagonists associate into the debate and become intensely emotionally entangled it can appear they're supercharged with emotion. Both believe that they're right, both believe that the other party is behaving immoderately. Both believe they're victims of the other person making an attempt to intentionally upset them.

In NLP training we learn to untangle such highly emotional misunderstandings it is very important that the arbitrator dissociates from the feelings involved.

Sometimes feedback can be agonizing, it can be hard to hear what's being said to or about you in a dispassionate way. In such eventualities it is valuable to be able to dissociate from the situation and listen impassively.

On the other hand when you need to powerfully motivate the members of your team it is important to be very associated with both the words you use, with the situation and the people to whom you are speaking.

The tricks with these states are to be aware of the state you are in at any point and to be sufficiently aware to be able to choose the appropriate state for the task you need to perform.

When making decisions it is valuable to be able to associate into the situation and to aid others to do the same. However a member of the judiciary would gain advantage from the ability to dissociate from the situation about which he has to pass judgement.




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